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xziichix [userpic]

happy birthday to me!

February 14th, 2006 (10:05 am)
contemplative

current mood: contemplative
current song: Half Jack . Dresden Dolls

All eyes on the calendar
Another year I claim of total indifference
To here, the days pile up
With decisions to be made, I'm sure all of them were wrong
Into this song I send myself
And with these drinks I plan to collapse
And forget this wasted year, these wasted years
Devoted friends, they disappear
And I'm sorry about the phone call and needing you
Some decisions you don't make
I guess it's just like breathing and not wanting to
There are some things you can't fake
I guess that it's typical
To cling to memories you'll never get back again
And to sort through old photographs
Of a summer long ago or a friend that you used to know
And there below
His frozen face
You wrote the name and that ancient date, that ancient date
And you can't believe that he's really gone
When all that's left is a fucking song and
I'm sorry about the phone call; and waking you.
I know that it is late,
But thank you for talking, because I needed to.
Some things just can't wait.
(Yeah, some things just can't wait)

- Conor



holy shit im old now.

xziichix [userpic]

butterflies

January 18th, 2006 (12:59 pm)
determined

current mood: determined
current song: what the hell is a stipulation - reggie and the full effect

might be tmi in post.
...need to not fucking stress so much. husband's b/d tomorrow & went shopping today. v. busy. last night got some meds for my stomach. felt like shit.
got into a fight. [shrug] from the begining.

got mr. dog-fucker woodhill on LJ yest. didnt write anything & the fucking bastard didnt friend me. kick his ass for it! used his fucking teacher e-mail. legal? who gives a fuck.

can't even fucking blow someone right when im sick. like cock but i felt sick so i nearly puked. how fucking sexy is that? hi honey im really horny. can i puke on your dick??

G. worries too fucking much. getting fucked up and sick isnt new. got ride to pharmcst ...chemist! called a chemist. (fucking british!) have no lisense & dont drive. ...cant. personal shit there.

got inhaler&digestives&caffiene pills. gotta stay up late 2nite & sew. shitty medical in london if ur $$ sit. is bad. G. paid. (£14+ my inhaler & digest. covered but pills aint ) got home & put kids to bed. Johari didnt even fucking bitch about it. must see how fucking tired i was & knew fight stupid.

made tea. fucking hate tea. tastes like piss & i know what piss tastes like. never dated that stupid fuck again. have tea means putting in a fucking shitload of sugar & pissing all day. drink coffee.

tea for my digestives. my fucking insides (intes sp?) are all blocked up. (tmi) last two days getting worse. dr. says stress. good thing im not throwing up tho. know we have anal but its fucking embarasing to talk about shit like that.

3 days ago found laugh line didnt have before. husband said worry too much go grey. he can go fuck Andy. i found a grey hair this morning. ASSHOLE! v. suspect it was planted to make a fucking point. if it wasnt pretend it is because im not going grey. dont even look 25!

think we'll be fucking when were 70+? love sex a lot & regular. 2x a day if im lucky but always 7+ a week. just get tired after kids & end up blowing him.

hope in 20 fucking yrs kids find this and get sick reading it.

talked & G. told he lied bout something. v. fucking PO. at him. big lie. not like 'i didnt do laundry&did dryclean instead' type of lie. v. big fucking lie. fucking hurts to get lied to.

my x-b/f was a fucking slut & walked in on him&a chick so lying w/ me is fucking bad.

G. heart in right place but still fucking made me v. angry&hurt. knew he shouldnt & i hate when hes upset so i cant fucking stay PO at him.

"i do trust you i just dont want to hurt you" neone heard that before? hope so. fucking confus. to be hurt w/ protection. 1/2 makes me angrier & 1/2 feels good. im a fucking jerk.

i fucking hate queer stereotype where one is mom & one dad but i v. want to stay home w/ kids while G. works. was doing teaching practicum & f. hated it. distance learning w/ GED & college. did uni. talk okay but cant write for shit so Andy (friend) help me w/ writing & essays. final test fucking sucked! okay marks. dont want teach.

decide to stay home w/ kids now. too fucking stress+ to work at school w/o our kids

Johari (our girl. b/d is april 8.) started calling my husband 'mommy' when i was away for while & he & family took care of kids. they call him mommy now. confuses fuck out of strangers who stereotype. hes 6'3'' (1905mm) & v. fucking ripped w/ tweed & suit clothes & glasses. hot nerd. called mommy is fucking funny. kids call me daddy.  im 5'8'' (1727mm) & skinny & like girly shit. Johari calls me Ziichi tho.

#1 Johari adopted. Surrogate mom in NY & i didnt know. mom overdosed & SS said we could take her & we did. 4 yr. old hated me & called me Mr. Ziichi. keep fucking telling her she's special but hates it & think she get angry. wants to look like G. & loves him to death. we all love him to death.

#2 Ziegfried related to us too. (long story w/ my transgenderism.) quiet baby but screamed sometimes for attent. but a lot did that. he's v. quiet until his friend Tari (my x-wifes kid) comes over. alread. into my fucking comics. loved to cuddle like hell & loved G.'s shirt & mine as blanket & to hide in.

#3 Bazil nm. by G. his fucking fault for middle school bullies later. fucking brit name with a z. (G's name sound Egyptian i fucking swear.)

#4 is N. & is adopted.

fucking addicted to this meme shit. blame faire_maiden. her LJ full of them & i get bored when im up late & family asleep. v. fucking surprised G. didnt notice i go upstairs & on PC. run Linux. Windows can go to fucking hell and suck cock. Mac is the biggest piece of shit! fucking assholes should be shot.

Would you ever marry someone who differed with you politically?
today's q. & yes. am married & i dont vote here.

doing lots of fucking quiz & shit. need some fucking sleep b. working late tonite w/ sewing & food. found frog legs today b. Johari has pet frog & she started crying in market when asked what they were. stomach better since noon. v. good. sewing is fucking hard one-handed. use books & shit to hold shit in place. b/d impor. then hand dif. so doesnt matter. use to play cello when frus. or venting but now am using LJ so can type w/ one hand.

will be back later w/ have break tmrow. butterflies in my fucking stomach. over the fucking hill alright. 46. want it to be fucking great. most impor. person in my life.

xziichix [userpic]

(no subject)

January 17th, 2006 (03:05 am)
working

current mood: working
current song: at the bottom of everything - bright eyes

I found the spell check. is it bad my 4 yr old son is fixing my grammar?
I'm awake now & looking up recipes. i cant cook worth shit tho. planing a birth-gay party.
If i could make birthday rhyme with fag, i would. its for my husband. what a dog fucker. ...i hope the kids never find this site. don't think they'd get sarcasm. too young for the computer so far.
so he's turning 46. its pretty fucking funny to me. all of my fucking friends think i'm insane since i used to be so 'anarchist'. we were all anarchists when we were 17 right? guess being a retired singer and an ex addict makes you too fucked up to marry. think i'm bad you should see his fucking list.
i'm thinking about buying some fucking no-doze for thursday.
I'll get dog-fucker Woodhill on here soon. he needs a life other than books (and kids). i know he's a nerd but fuck. he doesn't look like one except his glasses. I'm thinking about taking him to the next pride parade. Sound like a bad idea?
why the shit am i asking questions, it's only 2nd day on here and I'm talking to the fucking wall.
I think i'm calling the pharmacist now and getting Tari and Ziggy to get their fucking hands out of the toilet. i think thye're drowning Johari's fucking toys.

xziichix [userpic]

(no subject)

January 16th, 2006 (06:27 am)
tired

current mood: tired
current song: sex changes dresden dolls live

...testing

first post at fucking 630 in the am sucks balls

in @ libary

html for tis hshit sucks 2 figre it out soon

....spellcheck owned me gonna fix i later

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